Naughty Nursery Rhymes
by Jojo

Sleight of Hand

Tommy had a tiny tool -
He was a ‘mini-muscle’ man –
He met a pretty girl one day
And slipped it in her hand
She thought it quite romantic,
In her hand she let it linger
But only cos the soppy girl
Believed it was his finger

To See Such Fun

Hey diddle diddle
The cat’s on the fiddle
The dog is having a moon
The rabbit smokes grass
The bird only farts
So who said that pets are a boon?

Full English?

Pinky and Perky sat on a wall
They were a bit confused
‘specially when Humpty Dumpty
Came and looked at them bemused

'Just hold on a minute there’ he said
‘This is my nurs’ry rhyme’
‘’We aren’t doing you no harm’ they said
We’ve been ere all the time’

Then poor Humpty he got proper roused
And things did not calm down
‘I can’t be having all this’ he said
And called King’s lot from town

Well all of the old kings’ horses and,
Of course, all of his men
Came trotting along to sort it out,
They did their best but then….

Well…Seeing as they hadn’t had their
Breakfast – O Woe betide –
They decided on an omelette with
Some bacon on the side